The Hidden Cost of Not Being Authentic at Work and in Life

I was facilitating a coaching session with a purpose-driven professional, and two themes kept surfacing: authenticity and confidence.

That same evening, I listened to a podcast episode that explored those very topics. It was a conversation between Mel Robbins and Dr. Todd Rose, a former professor at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education and now CEO of the think tank Populace. His research, based on the largest dataset ever collected about what people truly want in life, highlights a powerful truth: authenticity matters more than we think.

The Inner Conflict

Dr. Rose built on psychologist Carl Rogers’ idea of incongruence—the gap between who we believe ourselves to be and how we actually live. When we feel pressure to meet others’ expectations instead of honoring what feels true, it creates an internal conflict.

This “war within” doesn’t just stay inside us. It can erode confidence, cloud our decisions, and strain relationships. It also shows up at work: a lack of authenticity can weaken trust, engagement, and performance.

Benefits of Authenticity

When we choose authenticity, we begin to resolve that conflict. Living in alignment with who we are helps us:

• Strengthen confidence in our decisions

• View the world with more optimism (e.g., a belief in win-win situations)

• Build more meaningful relationships

As Mel Robbins said, “Everybody deserves to live an authentic life.”

A Ripple Effect

Something that made an impression on me was how Dr. Rose’s research shows we’re more alike than different. Most people share the same core desires: to live with integrity, to contribute positively, and to be true to themselves. When even a few people choose to live authentically, the ripple effects can change entire communities.

Reflection Questions

• Where do you feel pressure to be someone you’re not?

• What’s one choice you could make this week that feels more authentic to you?

• If you’re leading others: How might authenticity—or the lack of it—be shaping performance and trust on your team?

Authenticity doesn’t require having it all figured out. It’s about making daily choices that align with your values and who you believe yourself to be in the moment. Those small choices not only strengthen your own confidence, but they also create ripple effects in the workplaces and communities you’re part of.

📖 Learn more about Clarifying What Matters: Creating Direction for Your Career

➡️ Curious to listen? Here’s the podcast episode with Mel Robbins and Dr. Todd Rose.