What Gardening Taught Me About Being Too Tough on Myself

Are you being too tough on yourself?

I have been asking myself that question as I work on setting up my garden.

For a while, I focused on what had not happened yet. The layout was not clear. The fence was still in progress. Other people seemed to have beautiful, productive gardens already, and I found myself wondering why this was taking me so long.

When people asked me how the garden was coming along, I could feel myself getting defensive.

They were usually asking with genuine curiosity, but the question landed on top of the criticism I was already directing at myself. I felt like I should have had a clearer plan by then. I should have planted more. I should have been further along.

Many people feel this in their careers, too.

A simple question like “How is the job search going?” or “Have you figured out what you want next?” can start to feel loaded when you are already feeling behind.

The question may be kind. But if your inner critic is already active, the question can feel like proof that you should have more to show by now.

Then I realized I was making unfair comparisons.

I was comparing myself to people who have been gardening for decades. I was comparing my new garden to gardens with established systems, clearer layouts, and more time behind them.

I only moved to my house a few months ago. I am still learning the property, getting familiar with the existing plants, understanding the soil, and noticing which animals eat what I plant.

There is a lot to observe, learn, and set up before everything starts coming together.

That kind of negative self-talk can show up quickly when we compare our process to someone else’s visible result, or when we assume other people are measuring our progress as harshly as we are.

You may do this in your career, too.

You look at someone’s LinkedIn profile, promotion, business, title, or public visibility and think they have everything figured out. Then you wonder why your own path feels slower, messier, or less clear.

But we rarely know what went into creating what we are seeing.

With a garden, we do not know how many hours, dollars, failed attempts, hired help, inherited systems, or years of practice shaped the final result.

With a career, we do not know who mentored someone, what relationships opened doors, what support they had, or how many false starts came before the visible success.

Comparison becomes especially painful when we compare our behind-the-scenes process to someone else’s polished outcome.

What I have realized is that I was not doing nothing. I was taking my time.

I was researching, talking with people, looking at photos for inspiration, learning about the property, noticing the sunlight, and getting to know the soil.

Outwardly, not much appeared to be happening. Internally, I was getting oriented.

That matters, because there is an order to things.

In gardening, soil is not glamorous, but it is foundational. If you rush past the soil because you want the visible plants, you may create more problems later.

Quality soil gives plants a better chance to take root, adapt, and produce.

Career growth works the same way.

People often want the visible outcomes: the new role, stronger LinkedIn profile, better resume, promotion, business launch, leadership opportunity, or clearer professional identity.

Those things matter. But they are not always the first step.

Sometimes the early work is more internal.

You may need to develop reflective practices before focusing on outward-facing materials. You may need to understand what matters now, what has changed, and what no longer fits.

Your career soil might include your habits of reflection, your network, your confidence, your communication skills, your professional relationships, your energy management, and your self-trust.

Networking is a good example.

People often ignore their network until they need something. But developing and nurturing relationships is a crucial part of career management and career advancement.

The relationship-building you do before you need a new role often shapes the opportunities available to you later.

Sequencing matters, too.

When a project feels overwhelming, the problem is not always motivation. Sometimes the problem is that you are treating one large project as one giant task.

A garden becomes more manageable when you break it down: learn the soil, observe the light, choose a layout, protect the plants, prepare the beds, and then plant.

A career transition, leadership challenge, or professional growth season also becomes more manageable when you break it into smaller steps.

Clarify what matters. Reflect on what has changed. Talk with people. Update your materials. Strengthen your network. Take one visible action.

A guide can help.

Gardening becomes easier when you learn from people who have studied it, practiced it, and made mistakes before you.

Career growth, leadership development, and professional transitions work the same way.

Mentorship, coaching, and honest conversations with people you trust can help you understand the sequence, avoid common mistakes, and take action from a more informed place.

And still, planning has a limit.

You can research, reflect, and gather ideas forever, but if you never plant, you never get a harvest.

At some point, reflection needs to turn into action.

That does not mean forcing a dramatic move before you are ready.

It may mean sending the email, scheduling the conversation, updating the resume, reconnecting with someone in your network, applying for the role, asking for feedback, or trying a small experiment.

If you feel behind right now, pause before you believe the comparison story.

Ask yourself:

1. Am I comparing my process to someone else’s visible result?
2. What foundation-laying step have I been skipping because I want faster results?
3. What is one small thing I can plant this week?

You may be farther along than you think.

Not because everything is figured out, but because you are paying attention.

If you are navigating a career transition, leadership challenge, or professional growth season, coaching can help you clarify the sequence, strengthen your foundation, and take more grounded action.

Explore coaching plans here ➔

Erica Mattison, MPA, JD
Executive Coach