A friend and I were just talking about how the natural state for animals, including humans, seems to be happiness.
So, where does fear come from?
It's learned.
For instance, little kids are comfortable doing all sorts of risky things - climbing, walking on the top of tall walls, etc. Until they are taught not to.
Sometimes experience teaches them. Other times, people (usually grown-ups) teach them to avoid risk.
With that awareness often comes fear. The thinking might go something like this, "I was told that something bad could happen to me if I do xyz, so I'm not going to do that thing." From there, we often develop fears that if we do that thing, something bad will happen. In real life, it's not that straight forward.
What we're fearful of
As adults, we're fearful of all sorts of things. Here are a bunch that come to mind...
Starting a new job
Leaving a job
Advocating for a promotion
Leading
Having people see us
Having people know us
Being silly
Trying something new
Going someplace unfamiliar
Traveling alone
Eating in public alone
Going to a movie alone
Deviating from our routine/comfort
Posting on LinkedIn
Speaking up
Publishing an article or a book
Starting a business
Saying no
Displeasing people or doing something that could displease them
Asking for help
Receiving help
Giving love
Receiving love
Getting compliments
Attracting attention
Doing something and not having it go as we'd hoped
Any of these feel familiar?
Why we're fearful
We're fearful because of reasons like:
"Oh no, what might people think?"
My supervisor...
My family...
My friends...
My colleagues...
Or, "I need money. What if all my money goes away? I can't do anything that might jeopardize my financial stability."
That's a scarcity mindset we've been trained to develop. It can lead to thinking like, "I can't invest in myself because I need to save my money so that I have enough." Or, "I can't charge for the true value of my services because people might say no and then I'll have no money."
What's the problem with living in fear?
When we come from a place of fear, we don't typically do our best thinking or work. We tend to think in a limited, narrow way.
We also don't live the best life we're capable of because we're so consumed with worry.
How can we stop letting fear rule our lives?
One way to stop letting fear rule your life is by activating a state of love, joy, and curiosity. This is central to my work with my clients.
- Love for yourself and others you get to learn from and with
- Joy through practices that bring you into alignment with your true self
- Curiosity about yourself and the world around you, including possibilities which may be around the corner
Through storytelling, structured play, and activities that foster curiosity and wonder, I support clients to prevent fear from making them feel stuck.
A safe space to play
One space I curate to help people shift from fear to love is the Past, Present, Future Retreat. I just hosted one, and the next one is coming up in September. There are only five spots.
During the one-day retreat, I help you get present so you are not ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. You are more able to think clearly and tap into your creativity. You are better equipped to view a wide range of possibilities.
Here's a 30-second glimpse into the experience.
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This small-group retreat is designed to help you pause, reflect on where you have been, notice what matters now, and clarify meaningful next steps.
Whether you're looking to start a family, a business, a new job, a new leadership role, or become less stressed and more joyous in your everyday life, I'm excited to welcome you in.
Discover when the next retreat is and save your spot. Register for the retreat here.
Warmly,
Erica Mattison, MPA, JD
Executive Coach
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